Pregnant-Dad! Being Pregnant for a Day...(by Husband)

After watching some great commercial, my wife dared me to be pregnant for one day. I almost didn't make it. This is the story. And I apologize for not being more empathetic to any woman who's carried a child.

although we've come to the end of the road..

still i can't let you go... it's un-natural, i belong to you, you belong to meeeeee....  come on ladies and gentleman... this is me, baby best... try to understand me...  come on please... snap with me... i am just singing this tune to dear ol uterus and my ambi C... the ones i love... (we should be happy together forever, you and i) its been 40weeks of daily love... don't you remember you teaching me to surf on this fluid and all the fine dining... and now you just want to push me out... i just (sniff, sniff) i just can't let go quite yet.. although we've come to the end of the road... omg omg... help me out, help me out.... no no no no no no no no no noooooo... come to the end of the road... still i cant let go... alright, alright, alright... it's un-natural, (woooo) i belong to you, (wooooo) you belong to meeeeee.... 

yep world it's me moma blogger and i am STILL pregnant... 40 weeks and 1 day to be exact... wait let me get the real calendar and count... hold up maybe i have been rushing you for nothing... looks like me hilton head rundavo actually only happened 39 weeks ago... ahhh but who am i fooling... the nine month safety zone was over 2weeks ago now... and i am still pregnant... why did the medical world even come up with due dates... we should all just be given estimates.. like "mam you will have your baby somewhere between right after you pee on this stick and next year"... omg and i already sold my push gift - JAY-Z concert tickets in anticipation for your arrival sooo please baby stop serenading that placenta and come on down...  you are the next contestant on the game of life...

non of these home remedies are working...  i have done them ALL...  so you know what i have concluded that this wonderful baby has a little bit of her moma in her and is waiting to show up to the party fashionably late, so that when she makes her grand entrance the crowd can turn and cheer heeeeeeeyyyyyy lmbo... but fear not i am ok, still enjoying great knaps, with crazy dreams, finally having some food cravings, and still very very excited!!!! i just need my baby to start to sing some Diana Ross instead of Boyz to Men... you know the tune - i'm coming out... i'm coming... i'm coming out, want the world to know, got to let it show... i;m coming

Don’t sweat the small stuff! (by Husband)

That’s what the wisest of women said to me this morning. My grandmother rolled out stories of a true lifetime that helped put my little woes into perspective. Don’t. Sweat. The Small. Stuff. Okay! That’s my new motto! In Bible Study last week, my Pastor told me specifically to not focus on the drab, grey skies behind it, but on the sun which illuminates the grey bodies that glide across the horizon. Okay, so it was my dramatic interpretation of what she said, but every blog needs a little Hollywood magic in it from time to time. Or maybe just mine do. My wife’s sweet words are always so transparent, so purposely un-punctuated to emphasize the unplugged nature of her confession, that it’s hard to rival on a blog that we share. She can make the simplest of moments magic. But I digress.

Okay world, today, I’m taking these words to heart, from a young woman and a sage grandmother, I’m taking these words to heart. And guess what that means for me, since I’m applying these words to my life today? Well, I’ll end with a joke to fill you in. One day, a man realizes his temperament is far too short. So he prays, “Lord, please grant me patience.” So the following day, he goes to the grocery store and gets stuck in the longest line ever. Every line he jumped to ended up taking longer than the line he left. After 40 minutes of hearing the scan sounds of other people’s groceries, he finally put his melted ice cream and other goods on the counter. And then He hears God’s voice softly say, “You’re welcome.”  I won’t sweat the small stuff, so small stuff, bring it on!

"How Quick Are You Gonna Get Up…." (by Husband)

One thing I’ve learned lately is, at work every day is a new day. Deadlines pile up, time runs out, people are disappointed, victories are won, decisions are made. And the next day, you start over again. That sounds refreshing. Like a universal windshield wiper shoving the day’s remains into a galactic gutter. Only, as Stephen Covey says, “With people, slow is fast and fast is slow.” I reckon myself to Kobe. Though not even a Kobe fan, some work days produce flawless performances. Magic fingers on the Xerox machine. The perfect key strokes and mouse handiwork to create the perfect design on time, on dime. The subtle combination of witty words necessary to woo a giant room (or a room of giants) into the palm of my hand. On these days, I am Kobe. And the rim is an ocean. And everything I throw up swishes the nets and yanks down on that corporate rim to the sound of cash registers. Or another biweekly check.

Then there are days where the “calls” are not in my favor. The computer wants to play one on one and posts the spinning beach-ball of death (mac users) with seconds left on the Close-Of-Business clock. I’m open for the shot, but the coach called another play, one where I’m the decoy, and the ball gets thrown in another direction. Or the defenders are extra precocious this fine day, and I have to struggle for even the simplest of tasks that would otherwise be routine. Yup, on these days, I too am Kobe. Fighting to win a game that has variable odds, angry opponents, and sometimes unfair circumstances. 

And I have to decide, am I going to burn through another lunch working, stay late yet again, phone my wife once more with the far too familiar words, “I’m working late again?” Or do I decide to wipe the slate clean and start again the next day? Each has its own set of consequences. Ultimately, however, the “home” team never has as many timeouts, jump balls, commercial breaks, or opportunities to switch angles in game play. So I’ve worn out my metaphor. In plainer terms, every new business project “could make or break our company.” And requires overtime. Weekends. “Extra” effort. As if my all were not already extra enough. Yet, after that day closes, the next day or the one after that requires the same ingredients. Stir and repeat. Not so at home. There is one birth. One grand entrance. One Chicago Bulls Announcer, and one opportunity to watch the fruits of husband-wife teamwork enter this world, and bond. There is no start again tomorrow, or watch a re-run and make up for working late, or try harder next time. There is not even a rehearsal. So every moment has to be “in the moment.”

Thus, (I pause to clear my throat on my soap box) I have learned, albeit the hard way, that nothing is more important than being a champion at home. A raise or bonus at the expense of marital bliss is a mouthful of curse words and a vein-full of high blood pressure. There are no second chances for a championship. Well, there are. Even my own wife has given me second chances. And second second chances. But certain moments of our lives are like game-winning shots that echo into eternity. Defining moments in history that cannot be repeated, recast, or postponed. Honeymoons. Childbirths. Weddings. First moments. And I am choosing to rise to the occasion of being a star on a much smaller court. Playing for an audience of 1, soon to be two. No matter how large the crowd, or how high the fame, if I suck as a Father, as a husband, then my talented efforts will all be in vain. My “championships” will count for someone else. And my closets will be filled with trophies instead of family memories. Oh, what world. 29 trips around the world, and I still haven’t learned a thing.

"You can’t hurry Love..."

 ...no, you just have to wait, she said Love don’t come easy. It’s a game of give and take. The Supremes were exactly right. Maybe Diana Ross was pregnant when she wrote that song. Today I feel really pregnant. Very, very pregnant.  The muscle on the side of my stomach hurts from carrying this extra weight, or maybe from sleeping the wrong way. Either way, a pulled pregnant muscle sucks. Everything my husband says hurts my feelings. I cried this morning and this evening, somehow believing that his work projects are keeping our baby from being born, subconsciously sending her “stay in there, wait just a little longer” energy.  But despite my prego hormones, vanity still overruled as I sat in the hot Dominican salon to make sure my hair was pressed for the big event. What was sweet was that all the stylists wished me luck and said prayers to me in Spanish.  Now it’s 1 in the morning. I don’t know why I have heartburn, since I ate 4 hours ago, perhaps she’s saying I need to eat again. But mama said, "You can’t hurry Love, you just have to wait." Maybe this is what parenthood is really all about, give and take.

I give myself more water to obey the midwife orders, and then the baby makes sure I take myself to the bathroom every time I sit up/my feet touch the ground. The good thing is I’m saved. And God knows me so well. Just when the emotional roller coaster begins to peak, my God steps in and says, “it’s okay, daughter, calm down I’m right here. You’re almost there, you’re doing good.” I brushed that off with the waaahhh, waaahh, and allow the roller coaster to go down the emotional valley, just to allow Him to scoop me up, just as in His word in James 5, 7: “Be patient. Think about the farmer who waits for precious fruit out the ground. Be patient and strengthen your heart.” I love God and I love this baby, too.

 So world, I’ve been pregnant exactly, 277 days. O. M. G. Hear my heart when I say I’m grateful. I wouldn’t trade this blessing for the world. It’s just at this moment, the only song I have to describe it is, “The Never Ending Story…” Can’t you just see that big furry, fluffy monster laughing at me from afar singing, “The Never Ending Story…” What was that thing? Ok. Well let the record show that I just went on my last date without the need for a babysitter. Thanks, honey. Even though you get on my nerves. No, you didn't get on my nerves, what can I say instead of that? It's just that my nerves are on the outside of my stomach because my skin has stretched so far that they're easier to get to. And my uterus is playing Ding Dong Ditch with me (i really want to use the non-pc urban name, LOL).

Remember,

"You can't hurry love

No, you just have to wait

She said trust, give it time

No matter how long it takes".... i love you baby

all i want...

for christmas is my two front teeth... awww what a cute kid song...

here is my original 39 week version
5 things that i want...

#1 birthday cake made in wal-mart bakery - my  friend whose a teacher gave me a leftover piece from a valentine's party and i loved every fork of it, which i usually ate while cooking my healthy breakfast

#2 people to focus on the joy and miracle of childbirth instead of their pain - questions like "what is the worst pain that you've ever experienced" or statements like "wow you are trying to go natural that is brave" are really rude and pointless.... these comments never help me feel better or more prepared for the delivery of my child, so why do people feel sooo obligated to tell me their horror stories or ask me questions to check in on my knowledge of "where babies come from" literally... listen this is the way, and the hole, God created our bodies to deliver life.. he is pretty smart and i trust his design... fyi most women around the world, past and present, have their  babies naturally... i will be amongst that number

#3 my husband to be able to come home and play with, kiss on, and talk to baby best instead of my belly... the thrill and cuteness is gone... (come on down baby - there is plenty of pink waiting out here for  you, so it won't be too different than inside of me - wink wink... ps this is the best surprise ever in life... like for real baby best i keep looking for you to jump out from behind every corner, with a douse of water like they do NFL coaches when they win the game, and say SuRprISE Mommy here i come!!!)

#4 God to get glory from my life... this process has made me realize that what really matters in life is not material goods and such... but giving my life for the helping of others... helping not handicapping... to be the best me ever, make God proud, and inspire others to live rightly

#5 to be a great mom... patient and fun... a mom that my child loves to see coming... a mom that offers opportunities and wisdom... a mom

let's wait a while... before it's too late

okay so i had an epiphany this afternoon... after my morning whinings about due dates and ticking time.. i realized how ridiculously we are all fixed on time tables... i mean as girls we cant wait to wear make-up... so we rush and sneak the cheap stuff which turns our lips black... as teenagers we cant wait to be old enough to go to the club... so we dress up and sneak into the club and actually believe that the older guys are really into us and have no idea that we are under age...  i mean the list can go on and on... once we achieve our road race we add something else the the stop watch... cant wait to get out of school, cant wait to get married, cant wait to drive, cant wait to move out... and when we have the freedom to do, whatever we were rushing to do, we rarely do... i mean i only wear make-up on sundays or dates, i got out of school only to go back and probably will go back again, paying bills is no fun, and now i have to pay extra to have someone chauffeur me around the city like my parents did for free... hurrying up is not worth it at all...

i mean i will never be pregnant with my first baby ever again... i will never feel her stretch out inside me again...  we will never be physically connected as one ever again... my family will never just be my hubby and i again... i will never have these moments or this exact precious process ever again.. wow why not savor the moment huh... moments that i can never get back and that some would pay for the chance to experience...  moments that will be over soon enough and replaced by new to do's... how many other times in my life will i get to be surprised by the birth of my baby (hopefully 3 more times but that is not the point)...  how many other times will time be out of my hand and control... furthermore not really even important... i will never have this sweet time back

sorry Lord and baby for being impatient... good things come to those who wait... so i will wait with joy... enjoying being a human incubator for a few more days...

do you know what today is....

not our anniversary... but it is         2-10-2010... 2-10-2010... ok so it might not be a special day for you guys reading... but it was suppose to be the day that i gave birth... no signs at all yet... sweet baby aren't you ready to see the world... it's great out here... come on... mommy got her hair done, so she won't embarrass you on the delivery pictures... but this pressed out hair can only last for a few more days... your daddy has installed your car seat and put together the birthing pool... me and your grandma roos*** have cleaned the house from top to bottom... (ps. your grandma also has her overnight bag packed and stored in the trunk of her car... lol what can i say we like to be prepared, plus she is going to help us adjust during the first weeks of this rites of passage -glad to have a good moma) your home birth plan has been typed, copied, and posted... plus i have washed so many cloths that i am becoming angry at adam and eve for eating that darn apple and creating dirty cloths... it is 2-10-2010 wouldn't this just be the cutest birthday ever...  i thought so, but no signs yet... well ok a few contractions every once in a while... sigh, i mean come on, enough is enough... i look like a walrus... my skin can not stretch any further... it is sore...  lets get the party started... i would try to go walking more but i can't get further than a block from the house before i have to turn around to go to the potty AGAIN... oh baby i love you.. we are ready for you sweet baby love... see you when you get here... hopefully soon

is this the end..

i wanna know, i gotta know, i wanna know - is this the end girl - oo oo oo oo oo,  the prepubescent voices of boy group new edition are singing my song... i didn't think that i would feel like this but i do... how much longer will i be pregnant... even my semi-maternity cloths look crazy... tick, tock, tick, tock... so all the to-do list are done,  all the purchases made,  all the clothes have been washed, folded, and organized by age... i have nested more than a teradactyl...  nothing much left to do but wait for the big moment... everyday can be the day, and the "is this it" anticipation is annoying... not only am i not excited about putting on clothes to leave  the house since last week my stomach skin became soooo super tender and sensitive i cried.... but leaving the house means that there is always a chance that the clean up on aisle one that they announce over the loud speaker could be due to me starting labor... sure this dramatic burst almost never happens to pregnant women - what if i am that 1 in 100... oh and did i mention how hard driving is - big bellies and short legs don't mix!!!  so when you gonna come out of there sweet baby... i know that at that moment the real work will began, but at least i can get comfy huh?...and you can get comfy too because i really think the space in my womb has reached maximum capacity... you are officially full term now - 37 weeks, 9 months in there, i am soo very proud of you and love you soooo very much blessed baby... see you soon... (but not too soon i gotta at least go get my hair done one more time so that our post labor pics can be cute :)