"I'm every woman..it's all in me" (week 14/15ish)

Which topic should I pick first... white wife vs. black wife... or inappropriate responses...both so juicy… ahh decisions, decisions… never mind let’s just go for it…
-say someone tells you that they are getting a new car… it is inappropriate to respond – my cousin purchased that same new car and got in a car accident that left him paralyzed

-say someone tells you that they are going to Japan for a mission trip... it is inappropriate to respond – whew my church went to that same part of Asia last year and not one person got saved the whole time

-say someone tells you that they just got engaged to a man named Charles... it is inappropriate to respond – Charles you know most men named Charles are either sex offenders or repeated cheaters

In the same manner it is inappropriate to respond to a mother to be who is simply, honestly answering the question that you asked by saying things like – oh really... I don’t know about that; what! You do know people can die giving birth; ooo are you sure about that because it is going to be very, very painful; wow such-n-such baby almost died right after it was born; what in the world made you want to do something crazy like that; etc.

Before you start holding your chest saying “OMG she is talking about me” let me just help you out. I am not talking about any specific person. Unfortunately, this is the response that I have received over and over again when people ask me the following… “Oh, what doctor are you using?” and I respond “we are using a midwife”…then they always follow-up with, “oh ok, what hospital are you going to deliver the baby at?” And then I respond – “none, we are having a home delivery.” Next is complete SILENCE, strange looks, and squinted eyes followed by the above inappropriate responses. (One person even asked me “is your husband black?”.)
I never knew that the personal decision that my husband and I made would cause such a ruckus. Why is having a home delivery or using a midwife so foreign here in the states? The rest of the world has not abandoned this idea, actually it is quite the norm. Remember that having a child is a natural part of a female’s life. Our bodies were built specifically for this process and has been preparing for it monthly since you were in middle school. Delivery is not an automatic traumatic, emergency in need of serious medical attention. Furthermore, most of the world’s great minds including Shakespeare, Sojourner Truth, or our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ were not born in hospitals or by doctors.

Hospitals did not spring up in North America until 1691. Wiki says “The best-known type of hospital is the general hospital, which is set up to deal with many kinds of disease and injury, and typically has an emergency department to deal with immediate threats to health. A general hospital is typically the major health care facility in its region, with large numbers of beds for intensive care and long-term care” (Now does that make you feel happy, safe, and clean place to bring precious, new life into the earth. I won’t even begin to speak about all the mistakes made in hospitals or the germs that travel on doctors scrubs from room to room or the Ob/Gyn profession that is even younger than hospitals because for some people this is the necessary and perfect fit.) So Justin and I are going to give birth to our first beloved child Baby Best (no sex, no name yet) in the comfort in our own home. Yes, we have decided not to be hooked to machines, doped up, placed in metal stirrups, or rushed while delivering new life into this world. It actually was a very natural decision. About a week after I knew I was pregnant I began to research delivery options. All the years of TLC’s Baby Story had sparked my curiosity. I wanted to be somewhere calm, intimate, warm, full of love, and that would support my desire to have a natural birth… my research led me right to the place I was researching from – My Home!

Now I am just like some of you, I eat pork, perm my hair, love Country music, bank online, and love most other life-easing technology – so such an un-modern, un-contemporary, well really un-American idea, challenged me too. But somehow it just felt so right. So exactly Charity. So organically perfect for me! The more I searched the clearer it became (Sigh with a smile!) Yep it is official, I am using a midwife and having a home delivery. We are working with an amazing midwife. Just in case you care she is African American – that was a non-negotiable for me. She is very experienced and so right for me – I mean how many ob/gyns will text you to see if your diarrhea went away or check in to see how your healthy recipes turned out! So now that the cat is out of the bag let me prompt you with some appropriate responses for you to say to this personal disclosure… “Best wishes”, “You can do it”, “I am proud of your for fearlessly trusting your natural instincts”… my response to you would be, “thanks for your support, pray for a quick, smooth, perfect health delivery.”

(Continue to educate yourself! Check out this newspaper article about our midwife at this link http://atlanta.creativeloafing.com/gyrobase/sarahn_agyriwah_henderson_midwife/Content?oid=974328
To learn more about natural birthing options I suggest you watch the great documentary - The Business of Being Born. It is available for instant watch on Netflix.)

The Business of Being Born...a Girl (by Husband)

I’m going to be someone’s daddy! This thought alone is enough to spark its own entry, but I’ve expressed these thoughts so many times, it’s only right that I jot down these words and cathartically move on to more mature pre-daddy pregnant thoughts. Most people ask me what I’m having, and what I WANT to have. Are you kidding me? A healthy baby! What has happened in our culture that has gotten us so caught up in what the sex will be? How is it possible—before I go on, I am well aware that in some foreign cultures, a woman’s value may be so low that parents consider the birth of a baby girl worthless, and though I find it completely ridiculous, I’m reserving this next thought for our American culture—for someone in today’s time to be so bent on having a child of a particular sex, to the point where if they have a child of the reluctant sex, that they neglect the child? Isn’t that bogus? Have we forgotten that it is GOD who chooses not only conception, but the exact weight, sex and genes of our child, if we are indeed even fortunate enough to get pregnant? I guess I sound too formal and much more like political soap-boxing than blogging, so I digress. I said all that to say, I’m so glad that we’re pregnant, and I will let God do God’s business in choosing the sex of our child. Be it boy or girl, I will love them, as I already incredibly do, with all of my heart, devotion and energy, for as long as my heart beats fast.

Talk to the Belly / How Men Try to Understand Pregnancy (by Husband)

It's such a humbling place to see my wife talking to the heartbeat inside her belly. Some days it's soooo real, and the next, it's abstract all over again...until she starts reading the baby a book, or singing him/her a song. Then I wish I could feel that connected all over again. God is so good. For the first time, a couple days ago I woke up and forgot that we were pregnant. (Moment of silence) I’m reading “The Expectant Father” an excellent book given to me by the best coworker in the world, Nicole. In it, it says that pregnancy for men can be sort of “abstract,” where we don’t have the same kind of connection that the woman has. A woman is pregnant 24 hours a day, on weekends and holidays, day and night shifts, for 40 weeks straight. There is no off time, coffee breaks, lunches “out of the office.” Thus, I cannot relate, LOL!!! I feel this strange blend of emotions that range between guilt, awe, wonder, sympathy and compassion over my wife’s uncomfortable joy. I can’t push, can’t vomit for her, can’t take the pain away, can’t move the baby or her organs into peaceful positions, cant ensure she won’t wake up in the middle of the night as hungry as a bear out of hibernation. And because of this, it makes me want to do everything I can to ease the load everywhere else for my queen. If you’re a man, you’ll understand. If you’re pregnant, then understand that this is probably what your husband feels but can’t really put into words without sounding as crazy as I did in saying I “forgot” we were pregnant one morning when I started my morning routine.

Ice Cream in the Microwave (by Husband)

Charity is going to have a natural, at-home birth! She is amazing and I support her all the way. Please pray for us. I am all of a sudden a worker bee who wants a new house, new car, new job, new life that is the best for the baby. It's so exciting. I'll be rushing around off adrenaline to accomplish as much as possible, and then Charity'll say: "Babe, take the pressure off! You're a good enough provider for me..." But do you know the pressures of being a man and wanting to give the very best? The pressure to provide more than we had; nothing but the very best for my children. That is what my father gave me, and I’d be damned to give anything less to my children. But (sigh) what a relief to hear those refreshing words from my wife? “You’re a good enough provider already…” Women take note. This is what you say to melt away your husband’s stress faster than you can soften ice cream in a microwave!

I’m feeling good from my head to my shoes..

Oo,oo,ooo I got a new attitude. It is amazing what a week can do. Week 6-12 I was nauseous on a daily basis, had diarrhea for a week, could not brush my teeth without vomiting, had sporadic nose bleeds, cringed at the thought of opening the fridge, could not cook anything, rarely ate, and had heartburn like a 400lb truck driver. But last week I, well the baby, turned 13 weeks old. Shazam!! Miraculously I am normal again. Food is no longer my enemy. I am no longer a narcoleptic. Plus I am able to take a shower without gagging. Sure, I still miss my skin stinging hot showers and brushing my teeth with toothpaste, but this is sooo heaven compared to the last 6 weeks. Plus not to mention I am having the most amazing dreams. They are sooo vivid, full of action, and in color. God is soo brilliant huh? I mean what better way to teach me that life is no longer all about me than giving all these fun symptoms and making wake up 10 times per night to pee!! Oh and Thank you too baby.. you finally love me too huh. It must be a reflection of our daily bonding together. Today we talked about what it is going to take in order for he or she to have access to a car during high school. Oh yes, I told this baby all about the mandatory grade and behavior check ins, and how I will be making random visit to the school… be aware kid – your mama skipped class a lot buddy boy so she knows all the tricks. What? You think it is too early for this conversation.. not me..this kid is really smart and creative..I know he or she understands. He or she has already come up with preliminary, non-traditional names for the grandparents. Grandma will be called Rooster and Grandpa will be called Beachman!! The baby told me this clear as day during our special, bonding, mother-baby, convo time. I just love this baby’s creative freedom but of course the grandparents are shutting it down. I myself have a nickname for the baby… it is b3.. or baby best butter.. ok the baby best I am sure needs no explanation, but the butter might. I thought that since this baby has turned my skin into the Sahara desert that it must be pretty greased up in there.. but “oily” is a really hard nick name.. “butter” just kind of rolls off your tongue huh! I am sure these names will change with time… Maybe? In the meantime, I will just sit back and enjoy the new calm of the ride.. and hum positive melodies like “what the world needs now.. is love sweet love” and “it’s the eye of the tiger it’s the thrill of the fight"

He is...

I love my husband so much… He is really the best… so patient and sweet…besides the fact that we now have every baby self-help/ resource book published this decade in our home to keep me busy preoccupied by what miracle is happening this week in my body... thanks to him all my concerns, needs, fears, ridiculous emotions are put to ease on a regular basis…(of course Jesus does this too but Justin is a better spooning partner) gosh I am so glad that he is mine.. He makes me want to turn in my Me, Myself and I card and burn my I N D E PE N D E N T cd… like I literally cried like he was going off to war when he went on his most recent business trip… what if I really can’t do it on my own..like the only way I have even remembered to push pass the nausea to eat now is because he put a reminder alarm in my phone that sounds off every three hours… oh no and what if I get another sporadic nose-bleed who is going to make sure to put the cold cloth on my back and make sure that I don’t choke on my own blood… furthermore I must admit I think that I love his morning farewell speeches to the baby more than the baby probably does.. I mean you should hear him speaking French and English to proclaim blessings, wisdom, and love to the baby...it’s breathtaking… like I personally want to want to create a Hallmark card for all the strong black women out there doing their thing as single mothers because I just realized that I am soooo far from that… like I really don’t understand how they do it on their own… forget the huge childrearing factor and consider the simple things… like who gets you Ginger Ale or a Popsicle in the middle of the night… who rubs your back until that obnoxious burp comes out… sigh-you a bad chick

(visit this link http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=tekaphoto&target=ALBUM&id=5349407870369568641&authkey=Gv1sRgCL-tnsKR1vzMuAE&invite=CPqg5ZoO&feat=email to see how I surprised my hubby with the big news.. now imagine a co-worker runs into you at work and informs you that someone has broken into your car outside in the employee parking lot.. when you run outside you find this)

Entry 2, Week #10: The Promotion

Have you ever worshiped so hard that you knew a nap was in the near future… this morning I am sooo in love with the Lord. Just his simple word brings me to my knees in worship… for his kindness towards me… and all his great promises. I fall deeper in love with Him daily… this baby is going to be blessed. Today my Big Daddy told me that in Deut. 28:4… that alone had me on my face in the most awesome worship…the kind where the neighbors might wonder “What’s that noise?”... don’t worry its just me showing my gratitude to such a worthy King… I am so excited and so privileged to be in this position… my Father trusts me with such an awesome promotion… Thanks Lord

Entry 1, Week #9: I am going to be a blogger

Well here it goes.. I am going to be a blogger..

What has this kid done to me… Well besides turning my appetite upside down, all around… and making a traditional morning activity like brushing my teeth a scene from a horror movie…

It has turned my heart to mush without even being able to smile yet.

All of my thoughts are about how I can make the best personal decision for this new human being… (which, might I add, solidified its gender this week… I am so proud of you, you little sex organ grower!)

Anyway, the whole world is so excited about your arrival… Yes, that is right. The whole world… everywhere I go and everyone I tell are so excited (like, my baby is like a “Cheers” star)… Even my plane mate “goo-gooed” and raved about all the joy this baby was going to bring…

So I thought the best way to keep this excitement going for the world was to tell all my updates through this blog… my pregnancy blog… oh yeah, HI I AM Pregnant... Wooo Hoo!… ok, so stay tuned.