HOLD ON I’M COMING.. remix DON’T GO CHASING WATERFALLS..

this blog is sooo embarassing that i cant use just one song in the title...

HHhhhh.  So, I’m starting to get out of the house more. Now that I have this 3hr schedule thing I’m starting to get a lot more confidence. And besides it starts to get boring in the house with a baby all day.  Ummm, I’ve gotten good at taking the car seat in and out of the car and attaching it to shopping carts. Now, what I haven’t mastered yet is my ability to take care of my personal needs and my baby girlie’s too

The other day I went to Target at the perfect time of day.  Feeling like mcLovey would be in the perfect type of mood….And she was….Yayyhh ‘GO BABY’… But soon as I walked thru the sliding doors I had to pee really bad…. Uuuuuhhhhhh What am I supposed to do.  She’s sleep in the car seat on the top of the shopping cart ,  I can’t wake her up, I’m not supposed to wake her up…..I gotta keep her on the schedule!!!!!!!!  I can’t think about this I gotta pee

Soooo, I pushed the whole buggie into the bathroom….Yep, probably against every store policy  but I had to pee and nobody was there to help me… Once inside the bathroom I realized, ‘This shopping cart is not gonna fit in the stall with me, What am I gonna do ,,,,,what am I gonna do’… Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle  no time for reasonable thinking… I pushed the buggie in front of the stall to prop open the door and RELEASE!!!!! Ahhhhhh

SORRY,  I was too scared that if I closed the door for just one second somebody would run in and kidnap my beautiful baby and then I would be the subject of the next Lifetime movie… The good news is no one else had to pee during that time… Great job mommy now I’m back on my mission of shopping,.. Pushing the buggy gracefully making sure not to wake the baby. I got everything on my list… now the shopping cart’s full aaaaannnnd so is my bladder again…. Oooooo no!!

 

You gotta be freakin kidding me.  Okay. What am I supposed to do? I’m not gonna make it home….AND I CANT HOLD IT LIKE I USE TO BE ABLE TO HOLD IT DUE TO THE 8LB 8OUNCE BUNDLE OF JOY THAT I PUSHED OUT… I can’t take the shopping cart in the bathroom full of items or I look like a freaking shoplifter… mcLovey is now awake starting to squirm, and although I thought about it I cannot leave my baby with a stranger…. even if they are a Target employee.

Hhhhhmmmmmm…I gotta pee, I gotta pee, I gotta pee, I gotta pee… So , I push the cart to the side, unstrapped the baby, grabbed her in my arms – since I could not imagine putting her seat on the bathroom floor-, ran into the stall, and with one hand unbuckled  my belt and did all the other things necessary to squat over a public stall and use the bathroom.. Sigh, I feel better until I realize I have to get some tissue with one hand and you know these stupid public bathroom dispensers break it after every square… Pull break, pull break , pull br…..screw this that’s enough…I patted with what I had.. tried to wiggle my pants up.. and finally said forget it I’m outta here… note to all new moms – skinny jeans are not made for time out with your baby… I am sure half my butt-crack was out cause I just could get tghem up right with my football cradled baby in arms… I now understand why women wear moo-moos

Sure, that incident was a little stress inducing but I made it… I’ve been out several times since then, and started feeling really good about leaving the house. I can pack her bag quickly, no need to think about bottles cause her Café Leche is permanently attached… So, all to do now is get her dressed, get me dressed and get out the house and of course keep a bottle of water with me to keep up the milk supply…. Cause my girlfriend always says “where is your water. You need water”…

Lets Fast forward 2 weeks… This day I put a lot on my agenda. I was gonna make a stop to catch up with some old co workers, visit the studio to work on the new Alphabet House project, and visit an old student all before meeting up with my husband at 7:3 to switch out cars and so he could take McLovey home for her bath/bed time routine. 

This “bath/bed routine” was my new master plan to be alone at least for an hour per day… plus it would keep me from being a helicopter mom, you know so I wouldn’t interrupt by nit picking at my hubby by saying the waters too hot, the bubbles are too big, you’re singing the lullaby too loud… and most of all so I wouldn’t have to listen to her crying if something went wrong…. hahaha

I mean honestly it’s the one time of day that they have to bond and I need to get outta their hair… So, here’s the plan

1.     I load up on the fluids and food

2.     feed her at 7… feed her on both FULL sides

3.     meet my husband at 7:30 give him the baby

4.     enjoy being around adults my meeting

5.     come home, kiss sleeping baby and spend time with my hubby

Sounds perfect huh…. Well we all know that the only perfect thing is Christ so that should have been my clue that this plan was flawed… so let me tell you what really happened… Uhh boy, I’m driving to our meeting place when I realize I have to pee.  “That was okay cause I was not that far from the location, less than 5mins, so I’ll just  go straight there… Wait a minute , how do I get there again… I think its straight ahead. .. No, wait I need to turn around….  I gotta pee….  SMH. Omg This shady part of town doesn’t even have any restaurants… I think its this way.. Ohh, ok I gotta pee.   Where does she live again. Alright, I’m just gonna turn down this street and go to the expressway…  You gotta be freakin kiddin me A ROAD BLOCK!!!????.. I cant stop for a roadblock… I gotta keep driving… wait don’t be crazy you cant just drive thru.. but I gotta pee… Police are everywhere, I gotta drive even slower. ... Yeah, I mean yes - hello officer here’s my license… How you doing, thanks, oh while you’re at it can you tell me how to get to… Ok thank you bye…This is too much.. I gotta pee... Vroom, zoom, vroommmmm… why have I not been doing my kegals!!!

Ok forget making it to the meeting location, there is a Wendy’s up ahead… Just let me get to the Wendy’s, Lord help me get to the Wendy’s… But how am I gonna get her out of her super safe car seat and run in... Maybe, I should just lock her in the car it will only be for a second…no I can’ t lock my baby in the hot car... not even for a second cause what if while I’m running into the bathroom I slip, fall, break my leg, and not be able to get back out there to her… OMG I gotta pee, i gotta pee so bad…..

Ok I am turning into Wendy’s parking lot, I’m not gonna make it, gotta think fast… maybe I’ll just pee behind the bushes, but it’s broad daylight and it’s really busy here, plus there are not any bushes….oh my God!!!”

I don’t know how I’ma say this but this is what happened.

I grabbed a cup out of my cup holder and with one foot still working between the brake and the gas, one hand on the steering wheel, the other had getting my pants down I swerve into a parking spot and start peeing in a cup.  I’d been filling up on fluids so I would have a nice feeding for my baby, thus OVERFLOW….MAD OVERFLOW Now, I’m disgusted and embarrassed sitting in piss and my baby is crying from all the car jerking and her delayed feeding… my plans are down the drain and So, I drive home, call my husband – who makes matters worse by saying “couldn’t you just aim it into the cup”, But as you ladies know we don’t have the luxury of “aiming” … nevertheless I bathed, fed the baby, put on my clothes and left the house.  I had to leave. That was just way too much for me... but for the sake of helping some other new momma out there smile and feel better there u have it… roll on the floor and laugh at me and carry a potty in your trunk