didnt we almost have it all

this is the first time that i have been clean, fed, and in the bed relaxing with my blog in time to watch The Office in 19weeks... it feels sooo great to have the evening to myself... and i really mean to myself... no to do list to complete, no meal to prepare or area to clean... no baby to nurse or husband to to to nurse... lol i mean nourish... this feels unguiltyly (not a real word) great... like freedom.... today i missed freedom soo much... mclovey wouldn't stay sleep for longer than 30mins no matter how much breast milk i shoved down her throat... i have to admit that i felt trapped by my house, bored by the choices in the fridge and on the TV... i found myself on a friends couch at noon after leaving the bank, complaining about my inability to get in my own nap, ranting about my frustration with my increased property taxes although my home is selling for 100,000 less than what i purchased it for, and awww this is such a great episode of the OFFICE.. jim and pam get married, they sneak off and say i do on a boat at Niagara falls sooo sweet... then everyone from the offfice dances down the aisle like the couple from the famous you tube video... sigh - i love my hubby and am soo glad that i married him... i love him with all my heart even though dodging going to RE see the play tonight with him was also a topic of my couch session... the couch session was mainly me whining about my constant internal conflict over what is the most important way for me to spend my free time during the day; should i be  pumping or pooping, i shared with my temp vent shrink that i was saddened by how since my body produces so much extra heat now that i can no longer wear outfits more  than once because they stink, which causes me to have more laundry faster, i mean i use to be able to wear a shirt twice and jeans until they walked, but hotlanta and milk doesnt mix.... blah blah blah until i realized that i have the best baby in the world... despite her lack of sleep today she was quietly playing alone on the other side of the couch... totally satisfied with chewing her fingers and periodically distracted by the flashes of light from the tv.... now that i think about it she has not really cried all day... she rocks... i changed my attitude and stopped hording my breast, chilled out and began to enjoy my kid... i realized that i have it made right now... sure our money is tighter than normal, sure my days seem longer that normal, but i get the opportunity to see my little girl learn how to do new things like brrrrrrr air through her lips causing a spitty mess and to be the first to discover that super wet bibs over the last three weeks has finally produced the ridged, white top of her first tooth.... while i am pouting over natural hair care product inability to hold moisture in my hair my sweet baby is growing up right before my self centered eyes.... woowowowowowowo and it truly is priceless... her smile is priceless... her super huge splashes in the tub are priceless... her daily growth is priceless... i wished i could have days as fresh and new as her... i wish the world was new to me again... oh well i will settle for this moment of solice, on the computer, with only NBC and my thoughts...

morning lesson on brrrrr