excuse me miss... what's your name

you just gotta be kidding me... are these guys actually looking at me... me... eight months pregnant me... waddling through the door me...  the other day a guy actually asked to come home with me and to attend the birthing classes with me... WHAT??? i am big, pregnant, and married... but it is not just him - everywhere i go men seem to be fascinated with the pregnant me... like they literally stare - in a trance - even when i am with my husband... perhaps i am giving off some super strong, sexy, fragrance that awakens the inner cave men in males and tell them that i am fertile, able to reproduce their offspring... i need a theme song sang by a pop star "my pheromones are popping, the boys are jocking"

a few months ago i raved about all the added attention i was receiving while in the public... but now somehow this has become too much... and it is not just men... it is everyone, everywhere, that feel the freedom to make some comment about my womb... i mean in every store, every place, all day, everyday... i would be rich if i wore a sign around my neck that said "must pay $1 to ask baby question"... i wrote down a few of the statements that i have heard over the last few days... they include - " wow thats a whole lot of baby", "woah", "so when is the package due", "you busting out that shirt", "is it two in there", "you look like u bout to pop", "oh you not going to make it to your due date with that big'ol cannon ball", "oooo weeee is this your first baby", this is just a few of the common ones... plus you have the ladies that are human ultra-sound machines and can tell by the shape of my belly or the pace of my heartbeat coming thru my thorax that my doctors were wrong cause "oh that is definitely a boy in there"...
the worst is when people say..."any day now huh"... because they look like they are going to  faint when i say i still have 6 weeks to go... recently i have started adding to the shock by answering the question "when are you due" by replying with ridiculous dates like April, June, even November lol... oh well i cant get too upset cause they always make comments with such joy, huge smiles on their face, just excited... so i know they mean no harm... they can only get away with it because my bigness is a new life... can you imagine me saying "oh my gosh - look like you ready to pop" whenever i saw a over-weight person come through the door... lol inappropriate huh... even when they start to share their horror stories, which i run away from, these perfect strangers think they are helping...
oh well i will count it all joy... it means that i still look good even though i can't walk upstairs without becoming short of breath... i still got it!!! shout out to the young man at wal-mart that saw me struggle to get of the car and simply looked at me and said "congratulations"

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