i believe i can fly...

i believe i can touch the sky... oh yes after giving birth naturally to my child i felt invincible... like i could stand on top of my roof and shout... 'I AM SPARTA'... i mean what could be more challenging than pushing out a 8.5lbs baby... what could be harder... BREAST FEEDING... oh my gosh... you gotta be kidding me... breast feeding is no joke... screw all those mother and child photos that have the baby gazing pass plump breast into the mom's loving eyes...  cause my eyes were full of tears when my baby latched on... but not tears of love, they were full of tears to the heavens asking god to keep me from ripping this baby off my breast and throwing her across the room... i mean can you say OUCH... how could my darling, sweet, gorgeous new baby have full grown piranas living in her gums...  i feel like my nipple is in the middle of a wrench... this is unreal... my toes are curled and my butt tight because this little girl is literally sucking me dry...

with all the focus on a successful pregnancy and labor, i just knew that breast feeding would be a breeze... heck no... instead of a breeze it is more like a hurricane... my hormones are still all over the place... my organs are still trying to find their way back to their original location in my body.. and now my boobs have swollen and are LEAKING... no matter how informed you are about the human body, you still are shocked when you see your once sexy lumps, turn into Elsie....

i am telling you i wanted to give up... first of all, how could i with all my degrees not be able to get a tiny newborn to latch onto my nipple correctly, i felt like a failure, i mean shouldn't this female task come 100% naturally... i wanted to throw in the towel... 2nd of all, everytime she whimpered my husband and the rest of the world was looking at me to whip out my tit and shove it in her mouth... plus my husband insisted on asking me annoying questions like "how much (ounces) did she drink" and "how much is coming out"... i think he was convinced that not only could i produce milk but that i also had ex-ray vision and can see inside my breast... i wanted to punch him... finally i wanted to run to the store and spend my life savings on Similac formula... who cares that i had god-given liquid gold literally running through my veins, this mess hurt

sigh, nevertheless, i hired a great lactation specialist to come to the house and teach me some techniques and postions... she talked me off the ledge and told me that i was not the only chick to feel like this.. thus her fat pockets lol...  it was the best $100 i ever spent on my breast... after a serious breakdown with a hard, lip-shaking cry, a few days later... i decided to endure... i set a short term goal of breast feeding for one month and now i am 7days away from accomplishing it... i am getting into a rhythm which includes pumping enough for the baby to have for at least two daddy-feedings per day... oh well it is getting easier everyday and i will keep you posted... wish me luck