how great is our God...

sing with me how great is our God... what a true and perfect song to describe the posture of my heart on this morning...  i feel overwhelmed by the goodness of my God... like i am personally seeing the reality of His promise in Luke 6:38 that states  "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom."   when i was a child my pastor would say this scripture every Sunday before offering... my brother and I would play around, mimicking the pastor to see who knew best exactly what he would say next... but despite my clowning, that deposit of the living word was taking root in me and now it is baring fruit... yesterday, at a women's function to celebrate key women in the church (my mother being one) i realized how blessed i really am... how good my life has been... how great God really is... as a child i was surrounded by kind, beautiful, godly people in my church... sister this and brother that were more like family than fellow pew sitters because we saw them soooo often... i actually did not know to complain then about how much time we spent at church - it was just the way we lived...  today i am beyond grateful that these positive adults have supported me throughout the years, they came to my track meets and plays as a child, made me feel like i mattered in the world by supporting my teenage dreams and accomplishments... and even now that my husband and i have a new church home, when i visit that familiar building they all still embrace me with true love and affection like i am their own child - still little and cute spinning around in my dress before the Lord, but only now they are oooing and ahhing in shock and excitement over the new life in "their" old little girl's belly... thank you to my parents for raising me in good and godly company...

Thank you for being a friend, Traveled down the road and back again, your heart is true your a pal and a confidant...this is the perfect song for this second part... as i watch the evening news and the host of Judge Whoever shows i am soooo thankful for the friends that I have...  they have never abused my kindness, ran up my cell phone bill, or slept with my man... we don't all talk everyday, some don't all live in the same city, but they all mean the world to me, and show that they are my Golden Girl-friends, they are great women - fun, professional, educated, supportive, generous, and most of all honest women... i have been friends with some of them for over ten years of bad boyfriends, crappy jobs, silly decisions, and hilarious memories...  despite the pace of life, our bond picks right back up where we left off with a simple ring of the telephone or status update on facebook, as if time stood still for us...  at my last two baby showers i prayed silently to God and explained to baby best, that these were the type of girlfriends that you want to have... friends of quality, that can stand the tests of time... friends that are quick to forgive your mistakes and even quicker to support your success... friends that make you laugh hard enough to cry and will stay around to wipe your tears when it gets hard... real friends like your mama's... thank you God for giving me such great friends 

we're blessed in the city, we're blessed in the field, we're blessed when we come and when we go... a perfect closing song for this entry... it is the declaration of my soul and car tag... Deut 28... i want to encourage you to lean on God more, to trust his promises for you... the Lord has blessed me in every area of my life, answering big and small prayers, providing me with new when i would have been happy with used, making my good into grand, and blessing the fruit of my womb "baby Best" with more then enough, even with me not working, she has no lack at all... Thanks God for all that you do and are... thanks for erasing all my "OMG i will be a first time mother of a baby in less than a month" concerns and all the "do i have everything she needs" worries... you are more than just God you are GOOD... 

 i always sit and read the cards and reopen the gifts once everyone has gone so i can ooo and ahhh all by myself... thanks everyone for all the cloths, diapers, gift cards, etc for our little girl... we truly appreciate your kindness and pray that the Lord richly blesses you

"Let's Get Physical, Physical.....I Wanna Get..."

I wrote this entire blog 90mins ago but my computer had a brain fart and lost it…. So let me try it again… please forgive if some of the original flavor was lost…

anyways the last 10 days have been great… we took a walk in the park and witnessed a mixed culture wedding that made me cry…we celebrated week 22 of prego-ness in the baby’s new cleared out bedroom after selling all of the old furniture on craig’s list…I went to the movies to see two new, excellent black cinema flicks… which means I am now able to stay awake past 9 pm without turning into a pumpkin… Taraji’s hair was the freaking bomb but unfortunately Chris Rock made me want to protest my perm and burn my weaves… I mean I am thinking about going natural just so I can look my daughter in her eyes one day and say “baby your hair is beautiful naturally.. just the way God made it”… plus I visited a few of my students at their colleges.. this means that I am now able to go out of town & back in a car without vomiting or falling asleep.. it was so great seeing my students fulfilling the academic dream… but let me just say that Baby Best might have it a little tough… all this practice with youth is making me very sharp… can’t get nothin’ past me, boo…

So physically I have been feeling just perfect… I am loving my new big belly and my new nipple-look-alike belly button… plus the bonus of no longer being afraid of physical intimacy has now freed me to enjoy life again!!! So life is good and being prego is fun… wait wait wait.. there was last night when I had horrible heartburn… I mean it was so bad I thought my eardrums were sweating and that my chest was going to explode… my hubby had to be on back-patting duty for 30 minutes until I burped out enough acid to go back to sleep… but other than that I’ve been fine… wait, well, oh yeah, I did have to go to the hospital…

The hospital… THE HOSPITAL… the hospital… WHAT??? Yes it is true, after 36 hours of excruciating, unfamiliar pain, I broke down and went to the hospital... the freaking arch-nemesis to my commitment to the world of natural living… but the pain was so strong, so frequent, so weird, I had to make sure all was well… not with me so much but with my precious cargo… plus, it hurt so bad I could not cry, my hubby kept asking me all these questions and singing/praying all loud, and I could not find the symptoms in any of the three thousand pregnancy books we have beside our bed… so I went to the hospital.. “dun, dun dun dun”… that is the scary dilemma music… I was being sucked into the world of social norms… I mean the pepto pink colored walls weren’t that bad after all... and the nurse was really nice… plus the sound of my perfect baby girl’s heart beating, feet kicking, and hands punching was hypnotizing me… and to top it off they showed me an ultra-sound and I could see her cute face hide and her body jump from the hiccups… awwww it was the sweetest site ever… perhaps I could learn to love this remote control bed…


But I snapped out of the delusion when the nurse came in to tell me that all the tests were normal and Baby Best was super great… and then she handed me a pain medicine that I had to take right then because I was unable to take it out of the hospital because it was a narcotic… A NarCotic… WHAT??? My hubby said that I instantly sprang up out of pain-curl position and said “get that shit out of here!!” lolololoolol I didn’t say that of course but I did ask for a Tylenol instead… I swallowed one and hid the other pill under the covers like the James Caan character in the 90’s flick Misery… then I hobbled myself out of there… came home and just thugged it out, embraced the growth

After researching the internet, I realized that my attempts to handle prego-ness like I an all-American White housewife, minus the cute dog, backfired on me… turns out that exercising 4 days in a row was good for the body but came at a high price… yep, the total was a full serving of pain – and the copay from me visiting the hospital of course.. it appears that I was just having round ligament pain… umm yep that’s right round ligament pain… I didn’t even know I had round ligaments… I thought they were all straight and rectangle-ish.. but it appears that my uterus is using the ligaments that surround it to bully my organs out of the way in order to make more room for Baby Best.. well it seems that the muscles/ligaments that have been holding my organs for the last 28yrs were like “hold up wait a minute” … this sparked a terrible internal conflict which caused me serious PAIN… but after another day of rest I was A-okay… and home is now more than ever where my heart is and where my baby girl will be born….

Isn't SHE lovely...

Isn't she lovely... Isn't she wonderful... Isn't she precious... Less than one minute old

I never thought through love we'd be... Making one as lovely as she... But isn't she lovely

made from love

Isn't she pretty... Truly the angel's best... Boy, I'm so happy... We have been heaven blessed

I can't believe what God has done... through us he's given life to one... But isn't she lovely

made from love

These lyrics are the best way i can express my delight and excitment to know that baby best is a perfect GIRL. what an amazing surprise wooooooo hooooooo!!! she yawned as she slept on her placenta pillow... my heart melted instantly... every inch of her completely perfect... then with her feet crossed at the ankle she revealed... I'm a girl!!! i am so in love with our little girl... everyday we get to know each other better... like so far i can tell she has a little of her mom in her as she always dances after i eat a good meal and seems to start her belly party right as i put on my pjs for bed. :) we are going to have so much fun together...Keep growing my love, i will see you in feb!

I love you and so does the rest of the world... check out what happened when i annouced you on Facebook!

Richmond Duain Martyn, ShaRellish Love, Jamaal Kearse and 9 others like this.
Dashill SunNovah SmithWow!! A lil bitty Charity :)
September 23 at 6:04pm · Adrienne Smith CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! We will welcome another drama queen to inspire the world:)!!!!
September 23 at 6:06pm · Tamara Bass Awwwwww...CONGRATS!!!Little girls are soooo precious!!!
September 23 at 6:06pm · Maurice Cobb YEAHHHHHHHHHHH. awwwww. a little you. thank god there is Justin to balance you out.
September 23 at 6:18pm · Erica Lenise Yay a lil Charity!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!
September 23 at 6:20pm · Toni Brown YAY!!! Our girls will play 2gether.
September 23 at 6:40pm · Ada Camps congrats mama
September 23 at 7:04pm · Jabarri Banks CONGRATS!!!!! A baby girl. Wow!!!!!! That is so what's up
September 23 at 7:37pm · Meme L PinkeltonI knew the day you told me you were pregnant! no kidding. I thought you wanted it to be a suprise?
September 23 at 7:53pm · Alexis Schley congrats !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 23 at 7:59pm · Constance T. Blake Aww look at the baby.. Okay so how about an arranged marriage I'll offer you a good spot at the trailer park annual picnic and heck I'll make sure Aiden gets a 7th grade education.. He'de be the smartest person at Forest Green Trailer Park..
September 23 at 8:47pm · Zoie Sykes Lol Constance!
September 23 at 9:33pm · Stephanie PeayYippee Skippee!!! OMG I'm so excited for the three of you. I can't wait to meet her!
September 23 at 9:47pm · Kimberley Simmons Awww look at her nose ans her mouth...Charity I am so happy for you!
September 23 at 11:33pm · Charity Pj Thanks guys and to constAnce I am grooming this little lady now to be the miss hog trot champion right now. yesterday I bought 10 yards of lace ruffle for her 1st trailer reunion ball so as you can see lil Aiden will have you at least start 9th grade to b on her level lmbo
September 24 at 7:13am · Constance T. Blake Some people move to the East side of the park and think they moved up when they only went sideways... 9th grade humpp.. Lol Seriously, CONGRATS!!!
September 24 at 7:47am · Mrs. Tifiny Carol HarrisCongrats Jordans! Can't wait to see that lil face...
September 24 at 10:45am ·Melissa Frankel Perlmutter yea!!!!!
September 24 at 1:36pm · Andrea Pittman join the girls club. Lol! :-)
September 24 at 1:51pm · Brenda Nicole Moorer what a beautiful blessing! Its amazing isnt it? congrats to the both of you!
September 24 at 2:07pm · Danika Summers u have to name her after me!!!
September 24 at 9:58pm · Qiana Denis No Qiana a good name for her
September 25 at 12:29am · Isis Stephenson Awwww this is beautiful. I'm so excited for you. I remember those days. I'm a mommy now and I cant wait for ur little princess to come out and meet mine.
September 25 at 2:04am · LaTavia Lopez Congratulations!! And welcome to motherhood finally:) may god continue to bless you and ur family. This is a joyous moment. I'm so happy for you and hubby.
September 25 at 7:41am · Jamaal Kearse Congrats on your discovery. Ya'll are having a lil' Charity...I happy for you, shawty. Peace & Blessings to you & yours. Tell Jordan I said, Congrats.
September 25 at 9:03am · J Michael Kinsey Go head girl!!!
September 26 at 11:14am ·Richmond Duain Martyn NICE!!!!! congrats, i want my first to be a girl also. luv ya girl. take good care of yaself. CANT WAIT!!!! :)
September 27 at 7:50pm · Amanda Crump aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! friend!!!
September 27 at 11:38pm · Charity Pj OMG i am still so excited everyday i fall more in love with saying the word her and she... :)sigh... thanks friends for all the support and love...

Getting My "Grown Man" On (Husband)

No pretense this time. I've been busier than a one-armed squirrel 3 weeks before winter hits. Can you say Griiiiinding. I've never liked the word "hustle." But baby-on-board has compelled me to work harder than ever before at any and everything at the same time. I've always worked hard at just about whatever I endeavor, but something about the expectation of this little one has sent me into a frenzy. Anxiety and a barrage of mixed emotions has shuttled me further along this path of worker bee syndrome. Do I have less faith, now that I'm motivavted to work more? I know that it's God-given. I just need to channel it into the right streams.

Now, every second counts. Every commute is filled with a studio session where I'm drilling my mind with complex rhymes and intense scenarios to develop into the ultimate emcee. Each work day is filled with thoughts of world conquest through the starting blocks of a side business, two simultaneous mixtapes, pushing an album, booking shows, serving my friends' dreams, finding time to read up on the baby, taking care of my wife's needs (albeit not many--her primary desire is for time, the very thing that's already strained), stepping up my responsbility around the house, winning souls, building my church's brand and caring for some strained relationships in my family.

Calm. Rest. Weight gain. Getting fat. Long naps. Great sleep. Wonderful cuddling. Peace. Joy. All the plush benefits of being an expectant father. Well, I've not gained any weight. I've only had peace and calm after spending time in the presence of the Lord, I always feel guilty for everything I don't do (dangit, I didn't wash the dishes, I left Charity with more clothes to wash, I didn't go buy that prego pillow, I didn't cook dinner, I made a etc.), I'm not getting more sleep because I haven't been able to cuddle with my wife (resulting from an expensive, too-soft bed that sinks when in the middle when I'm too close), but there is some light in this tunnel of future daddy daycare...

Yesterday, on the 20th of Septempber in the year 2009, I felt my baby move for the first time. It was as if he or little she pushed back through the great baby wall, throwing daddy a high five (probably with a foot) through the great bubble divide. Oh, what a glorious feeling. And I'm almost jealous that it's still all the more special for my wife, because she can feel the baby on the inside and the outside. Oh, the joy she has. In reading "The Expectant Father," a beautiful hand-me-down gift from coworker Nicole and her beau Donshay, I learned about the phase where the father can feel isolated, neglected, outside the circle of pregnancy and wifely goo-gahs. I can't say that I feel isolated or neglected, just a bit jealous that I cannot emote the same way.

That I cannot lavish in the same emotional euphoria of anticipation that I witness in my wife. But then again, she most certainly deserves it. If that is one of the few rewards of being chosen to carry our child, then may she be so blessed to feel the baby inside and out, to see the ultrasound and witness God using her very vessel as his life factory. Does this sound all too abstract? Forgive me. I wrote this one for me.

Oh, I'ma changin'....baby I am a'changin'. The wonder and mystery of this life has blown a new leaf this way, and I am determined to find its tree.

The Business of Being Born...a Girl (by Husband)

I’m going to be someone’s daddy! This thought alone is enough to spark its own entry, but I’ve expressed these thoughts so many times, it’s only right that I jot down these words and cathartically move on to more mature pre-daddy pregnant thoughts. Most people ask me what I’m having, and what I WANT to have. Are you kidding me? A healthy baby! What has happened in our culture that has gotten us so caught up in what the sex will be? How is it possible—before I go on, I am well aware that in some foreign cultures, a woman’s value may be so low that parents consider the birth of a baby girl worthless, and though I find it completely ridiculous, I’m reserving this next thought for our American culture—for someone in today’s time to be so bent on having a child of a particular sex, to the point where if they have a child of the reluctant sex, that they neglect the child? Isn’t that bogus? Have we forgotten that it is GOD who chooses not only conception, but the exact weight, sex and genes of our child, if we are indeed even fortunate enough to get pregnant? I guess I sound too formal and much more like political soap-boxing than blogging, so I digress. I said all that to say, I’m so glad that we’re pregnant, and I will let God do God’s business in choosing the sex of our child. Be it boy or girl, I will love them, as I already incredibly do, with all of my heart, devotion and energy, for as long as my heart beats fast.

Talk to the Belly / How Men Try to Understand Pregnancy (by Husband)

It's such a humbling place to see my wife talking to the heartbeat inside her belly. Some days it's soooo real, and the next, it's abstract all over again...until she starts reading the baby a book, or singing him/her a song. Then I wish I could feel that connected all over again. God is so good. For the first time, a couple days ago I woke up and forgot that we were pregnant. (Moment of silence) I’m reading “The Expectant Father” an excellent book given to me by the best coworker in the world, Nicole. In it, it says that pregnancy for men can be sort of “abstract,” where we don’t have the same kind of connection that the woman has. A woman is pregnant 24 hours a day, on weekends and holidays, day and night shifts, for 40 weeks straight. There is no off time, coffee breaks, lunches “out of the office.” Thus, I cannot relate, LOL!!! I feel this strange blend of emotions that range between guilt, awe, wonder, sympathy and compassion over my wife’s uncomfortable joy. I can’t push, can’t vomit for her, can’t take the pain away, can’t move the baby or her organs into peaceful positions, cant ensure she won’t wake up in the middle of the night as hungry as a bear out of hibernation. And because of this, it makes me want to do everything I can to ease the load everywhere else for my queen. If you’re a man, you’ll understand. If you’re pregnant, then understand that this is probably what your husband feels but can’t really put into words without sounding as crazy as I did in saying I “forgot” we were pregnant one morning when I started my morning routine.