"You can’t hurry Love..."

 ...no, you just have to wait, she said Love don’t come easy. It’s a game of give and take. The Supremes were exactly right. Maybe Diana Ross was pregnant when she wrote that song. Today I feel really pregnant. Very, very pregnant.  The muscle on the side of my stomach hurts from carrying this extra weight, or maybe from sleeping the wrong way. Either way, a pulled pregnant muscle sucks. Everything my husband says hurts my feelings. I cried this morning and this evening, somehow believing that his work projects are keeping our baby from being born, subconsciously sending her “stay in there, wait just a little longer” energy.  But despite my prego hormones, vanity still overruled as I sat in the hot Dominican salon to make sure my hair was pressed for the big event. What was sweet was that all the stylists wished me luck and said prayers to me in Spanish.  Now it’s 1 in the morning. I don’t know why I have heartburn, since I ate 4 hours ago, perhaps she’s saying I need to eat again. But mama said, "You can’t hurry Love, you just have to wait." Maybe this is what parenthood is really all about, give and take.

I give myself more water to obey the midwife orders, and then the baby makes sure I take myself to the bathroom every time I sit up/my feet touch the ground. The good thing is I’m saved. And God knows me so well. Just when the emotional roller coaster begins to peak, my God steps in and says, “it’s okay, daughter, calm down I’m right here. You’re almost there, you’re doing good.” I brushed that off with the waaahhh, waaahh, and allow the roller coaster to go down the emotional valley, just to allow Him to scoop me up, just as in His word in James 5, 7: “Be patient. Think about the farmer who waits for precious fruit out the ground. Be patient and strengthen your heart.” I love God and I love this baby, too.

 So world, I’ve been pregnant exactly, 277 days. O. M. G. Hear my heart when I say I’m grateful. I wouldn’t trade this blessing for the world. It’s just at this moment, the only song I have to describe it is, “The Never Ending Story…” Can’t you just see that big furry, fluffy monster laughing at me from afar singing, “The Never Ending Story…” What was that thing? Ok. Well let the record show that I just went on my last date without the need for a babysitter. Thanks, honey. Even though you get on my nerves. No, you didn't get on my nerves, what can I say instead of that? It's just that my nerves are on the outside of my stomach because my skin has stretched so far that they're easier to get to. And my uterus is playing Ding Dong Ditch with me (i really want to use the non-pc urban name, LOL).

Remember,

"You can't hurry love

No, you just have to wait

She said trust, give it time

No matter how long it takes".... i love you baby

Isn't SHE lovely...

Isn't she lovely... Isn't she wonderful... Isn't she precious... Less than one minute old

I never thought through love we'd be... Making one as lovely as she... But isn't she lovely

made from love

Isn't she pretty... Truly the angel's best... Boy, I'm so happy... We have been heaven blessed

I can't believe what God has done... through us he's given life to one... But isn't she lovely

made from love

These lyrics are the best way i can express my delight and excitment to know that baby best is a perfect GIRL. what an amazing surprise wooooooo hooooooo!!! she yawned as she slept on her placenta pillow... my heart melted instantly... every inch of her completely perfect... then with her feet crossed at the ankle she revealed... I'm a girl!!! i am so in love with our little girl... everyday we get to know each other better... like so far i can tell she has a little of her mom in her as she always dances after i eat a good meal and seems to start her belly party right as i put on my pjs for bed. :) we are going to have so much fun together...Keep growing my love, i will see you in feb!

I love you and so does the rest of the world... check out what happened when i annouced you on Facebook!

Richmond Duain Martyn, ShaRellish Love, Jamaal Kearse and 9 others like this.
Dashill SunNovah SmithWow!! A lil bitty Charity :)
September 23 at 6:04pm · Adrienne Smith CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! We will welcome another drama queen to inspire the world:)!!!!
September 23 at 6:06pm · Tamara Bass Awwwwww...CONGRATS!!!Little girls are soooo precious!!!
September 23 at 6:06pm · Maurice Cobb YEAHHHHHHHHHHH. awwwww. a little you. thank god there is Justin to balance you out.
September 23 at 6:18pm · Erica Lenise Yay a lil Charity!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!
September 23 at 6:20pm · Toni Brown YAY!!! Our girls will play 2gether.
September 23 at 6:40pm · Ada Camps congrats mama
September 23 at 7:04pm · Jabarri Banks CONGRATS!!!!! A baby girl. Wow!!!!!! That is so what's up
September 23 at 7:37pm · Meme L PinkeltonI knew the day you told me you were pregnant! no kidding. I thought you wanted it to be a suprise?
September 23 at 7:53pm · Alexis Schley congrats !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 23 at 7:59pm · Constance T. Blake Aww look at the baby.. Okay so how about an arranged marriage I'll offer you a good spot at the trailer park annual picnic and heck I'll make sure Aiden gets a 7th grade education.. He'de be the smartest person at Forest Green Trailer Park..
September 23 at 8:47pm · Zoie Sykes Lol Constance!
September 23 at 9:33pm · Stephanie PeayYippee Skippee!!! OMG I'm so excited for the three of you. I can't wait to meet her!
September 23 at 9:47pm · Kimberley Simmons Awww look at her nose ans her mouth...Charity I am so happy for you!
September 23 at 11:33pm · Charity Pj Thanks guys and to constAnce I am grooming this little lady now to be the miss hog trot champion right now. yesterday I bought 10 yards of lace ruffle for her 1st trailer reunion ball so as you can see lil Aiden will have you at least start 9th grade to b on her level lmbo
September 24 at 7:13am · Constance T. Blake Some people move to the East side of the park and think they moved up when they only went sideways... 9th grade humpp.. Lol Seriously, CONGRATS!!!
September 24 at 7:47am · Mrs. Tifiny Carol HarrisCongrats Jordans! Can't wait to see that lil face...
September 24 at 10:45am ·Melissa Frankel Perlmutter yea!!!!!
September 24 at 1:36pm · Andrea Pittman join the girls club. Lol! :-)
September 24 at 1:51pm · Brenda Nicole Moorer what a beautiful blessing! Its amazing isnt it? congrats to the both of you!
September 24 at 2:07pm · Danika Summers u have to name her after me!!!
September 24 at 9:58pm · Qiana Denis No Qiana a good name for her
September 25 at 12:29am · Isis Stephenson Awwww this is beautiful. I'm so excited for you. I remember those days. I'm a mommy now and I cant wait for ur little princess to come out and meet mine.
September 25 at 2:04am · LaTavia Lopez Congratulations!! And welcome to motherhood finally:) may god continue to bless you and ur family. This is a joyous moment. I'm so happy for you and hubby.
September 25 at 7:41am · Jamaal Kearse Congrats on your discovery. Ya'll are having a lil' Charity...I happy for you, shawty. Peace & Blessings to you & yours. Tell Jordan I said, Congrats.
September 25 at 9:03am · J Michael Kinsey Go head girl!!!
September 26 at 11:14am ·Richmond Duain Martyn NICE!!!!! congrats, i want my first to be a girl also. luv ya girl. take good care of yaself. CANT WAIT!!!! :)
September 27 at 7:50pm · Amanda Crump aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! friend!!!
September 27 at 11:38pm · Charity Pj OMG i am still so excited everyday i fall more in love with saying the word her and she... :)sigh... thanks friends for all the support and love...

Getting My "Grown Man" On (Husband)

No pretense this time. I've been busier than a one-armed squirrel 3 weeks before winter hits. Can you say Griiiiinding. I've never liked the word "hustle." But baby-on-board has compelled me to work harder than ever before at any and everything at the same time. I've always worked hard at just about whatever I endeavor, but something about the expectation of this little one has sent me into a frenzy. Anxiety and a barrage of mixed emotions has shuttled me further along this path of worker bee syndrome. Do I have less faith, now that I'm motivavted to work more? I know that it's God-given. I just need to channel it into the right streams.

Now, every second counts. Every commute is filled with a studio session where I'm drilling my mind with complex rhymes and intense scenarios to develop into the ultimate emcee. Each work day is filled with thoughts of world conquest through the starting blocks of a side business, two simultaneous mixtapes, pushing an album, booking shows, serving my friends' dreams, finding time to read up on the baby, taking care of my wife's needs (albeit not many--her primary desire is for time, the very thing that's already strained), stepping up my responsbility around the house, winning souls, building my church's brand and caring for some strained relationships in my family.

Calm. Rest. Weight gain. Getting fat. Long naps. Great sleep. Wonderful cuddling. Peace. Joy. All the plush benefits of being an expectant father. Well, I've not gained any weight. I've only had peace and calm after spending time in the presence of the Lord, I always feel guilty for everything I don't do (dangit, I didn't wash the dishes, I left Charity with more clothes to wash, I didn't go buy that prego pillow, I didn't cook dinner, I made a etc.), I'm not getting more sleep because I haven't been able to cuddle with my wife (resulting from an expensive, too-soft bed that sinks when in the middle when I'm too close), but there is some light in this tunnel of future daddy daycare...

Yesterday, on the 20th of Septempber in the year 2009, I felt my baby move for the first time. It was as if he or little she pushed back through the great baby wall, throwing daddy a high five (probably with a foot) through the great bubble divide. Oh, what a glorious feeling. And I'm almost jealous that it's still all the more special for my wife, because she can feel the baby on the inside and the outside. Oh, the joy she has. In reading "The Expectant Father," a beautiful hand-me-down gift from coworker Nicole and her beau Donshay, I learned about the phase where the father can feel isolated, neglected, outside the circle of pregnancy and wifely goo-gahs. I can't say that I feel isolated or neglected, just a bit jealous that I cannot emote the same way.

That I cannot lavish in the same emotional euphoria of anticipation that I witness in my wife. But then again, she most certainly deserves it. If that is one of the few rewards of being chosen to carry our child, then may she be so blessed to feel the baby inside and out, to see the ultrasound and witness God using her very vessel as his life factory. Does this sound all too abstract? Forgive me. I wrote this one for me.

Oh, I'ma changin'....baby I am a'changin'. The wonder and mystery of this life has blown a new leaf this way, and I am determined to find its tree.

Money, Money, Money....Money! (Husband)

"Some people. Got to have it. Hey hey....some people. Really need it..." Sing it, O'Jays. Because that sounds like my baby talking. I felt as if I was covertly cast in a Mastercard commercial. Recyclable Baby Diapers? $20. Self-closing Pacifier? $9. 4-in-1 Daybed and Crib? $429. Having your first child? Priceless.

Seriously, why does a bjorn baby carrier cost so much? Can't I buy a sturdy bookbag, cut two holes for feet and set my baby in it? And why buy a Crib/little prison cell that hovers above the ground, when I could build my own fort of pillows around two stacked, folded blankets and lay my baby in the middle? Why do clothes that can be worn no longer than 3 months max, comprised of a mere 15% of the fabric and stitching of my own, cost the same amount of money? Why does a designer carseat that is supersafe and expands to any age/size from 2mo. to 4 years old not come with a stroller frame? Why do strollers not come with carseats, at least the kind that I'd actually want to put my baby in? Why are there at least 50 different kinds of pacifiers for my baby to choose from, and only a few kinds of vitamins?

Not that the Lord hasn't blessed us with more than enough to meet all of our needs, but wow, what a culture shock. Baby culture shock has reduced me to eschewing my formerly mizer lifestyle of starving myself and pinching every penny. Charity will atest to me spending money on a whim, almost all of it purely going to food, to feed her new, spontaneously ravenous appetite, and well, mine too. But mostly because I'll go without eating, just not remembering or wanting to stop what I'm doing, because the "it" is always at the time so much more important than food. But hey, isn't that what we work for, anyway? I've always known that without an actual monetary goal, we'll squander our money and not know where it went. When we don't need anything, money slips through our fingers. And when we have a need, we'll squeeze $40 value out of a $20 bill in 0 seconds flat. I keep thinking, though, that 20 years ago my parents combined probably made about as much as college kids right out of school (before the market crashed), and I had every toy I ever dreamed of. I think my sister's childhood was devoid of the overly requested pony that all girls ask for, but what were we going to do with a pony in the suburbs on the South side of Fort Wayne, IN? Yeah, sorry, Jil. I stretched this out just to say that God has been way too good to us for me to fret about money. Or anything for that matter. He has blessed and enriched my life, and I don't know why He thought so much of me that He chose Charity to belong to me! What could I possibly complain about? In any regard? Nothing. So I take back everything I have just said.

Wife's Response: I guess it did not relieve your stress to have your pregnant wife break down into tears in the middle of the Maternity Section as she tried on prego clothes for the first time!

Entry 2, Week #10: The Promotion

Have you ever worshiped so hard that you knew a nap was in the near future… this morning I am sooo in love with the Lord. Just his simple word brings me to my knees in worship… for his kindness towards me… and all his great promises. I fall deeper in love with Him daily… this baby is going to be blessed. Today my Big Daddy told me that in Deut. 28:4… that alone had me on my face in the most awesome worship…the kind where the neighbors might wonder “What’s that noise?”... don’t worry its just me showing my gratitude to such a worthy King… I am so excited and so privileged to be in this position… my Father trusts me with such an awesome promotion… Thanks Lord