What would I look like if I were a girl? (by Husband)

Bear with me, this'll be my most cerebral entry yet. What would I look like if I were a girl? This question and many more puddle my thinking with profound and complex questions that mainly lead to nothing but thoughts of what lies ahead. I am definitely an internal thinker. Even in my conversations with the Lord, I find myself peacefully in the inner sanctum of reasoning with God as if we’re chatting over a leisurely game of chess in heaven’s foyer. Thank you, Lord, for making me a father. For blessing us with a child. At first, I was gonna wait to call myself a father until my child breathed its first breath on its own, but sure enough Charity’s body has two heart beats. Why shouldn’t I claim the life of my child since he/she is indeed living? And I am determined not to allow fear any place in this pregnancy. So, I am a father, and Lord, you are so faithful and good to me. There is nothing I could’ve done to deserve such a promotion. And already my life is changed. This time, I haven’t even needed to persuade myself into thinking I’m different. My nature is changed. I simply am a new man. Both in my words, and in spirit. So I ask again, what would I look like if I were a girl? If Charity’s womb is the factory of lilacs and roses, will she look like me? Or will she carry on the curvaceous, gentle and sweet, loyal nature of her mother? And if a boy, will he think in songs like his mother? Will he be both creative and meticulous like his father? Will he draw pictures with his left hand? Oh, so many delightful memories to create. God is so good. I have so many things to look forward to, I don’t know where to begin. It keeps me up at night, even now, writing my heart’s desires at 1:26am on the first of September, my favorite month.

Talk to the Belly / How Men Try to Understand Pregnancy (by Husband)

It's such a humbling place to see my wife talking to the heartbeat inside her belly. Some days it's soooo real, and the next, it's abstract all over again...until she starts reading the baby a book, or singing him/her a song. Then I wish I could feel that connected all over again. God is so good. For the first time, a couple days ago I woke up and forgot that we were pregnant. (Moment of silence) I’m reading “The Expectant Father” an excellent book given to me by the best coworker in the world, Nicole. In it, it says that pregnancy for men can be sort of “abstract,” where we don’t have the same kind of connection that the woman has. A woman is pregnant 24 hours a day, on weekends and holidays, day and night shifts, for 40 weeks straight. There is no off time, coffee breaks, lunches “out of the office.” Thus, I cannot relate, LOL!!! I feel this strange blend of emotions that range between guilt, awe, wonder, sympathy and compassion over my wife’s uncomfortable joy. I can’t push, can’t vomit for her, can’t take the pain away, can’t move the baby or her organs into peaceful positions, cant ensure she won’t wake up in the middle of the night as hungry as a bear out of hibernation. And because of this, it makes me want to do everything I can to ease the load everywhere else for my queen. If you’re a man, you’ll understand. If you’re pregnant, then understand that this is probably what your husband feels but can’t really put into words without sounding as crazy as I did in saying I “forgot” we were pregnant one morning when I started my morning routine.